he is all there.
he believes he was melted carefully down for you, cast up from your childhood,
cast up from your one hundred favoured thoughts.
he has always been there his darling, far from exquisite
rain on a summer's day, as real as a cast-iron skillet
others have been momentary, luxuriant, bright red speedboats in the harbor. lobster and clams, out of season.
I am more than that,  your have to have
home grown in the tropics, new growth
this is not some experiment, it can be just harmony.
oars for rowlocks, a bung for a leaky rowboat
wild flowers on the table at breakfast-time

like a single ray of sun at dawn
the bliss of our love is incomprehensible
no sun shines there, no moon, no stars, no flash of lightning, not even lamplight
all things are incandescent with your love
it lights up the whole world

Roberta invited Nikki and I over to 22 doors for a gathering of bodies to celebrate October birthdays, it was a gay bash, lol. Many of R's buddies are hillers of the Capitol but just as many are not heterosexual. The whole outing was entertaining and we left early, but later than some. Bert made me one of her 'special' hero cakes and Bjet the insecure felon baked, mine was one of four birthday celebrations and my cake was a chocolate cheesecake - yum.

My chilluns called, my brother f-a-i-l-e-d; no suprises there and wsm thought it was on the 8th :-/
teacher B got me a nifty little Casio Exilim - what a treasure.

Ere on my bed my limbs I lay,
It hath not been my use to pray
With moving lips or bended knees ;
But silently, by slow degrees,
My spirit I to Love compose,
In humble trust mine eye-lids close,
With reverential resignation,
No wish conceived, no thought exprest,
Only a sense of supplication ;
A sense o'er all my soul imprest
That I am weak, yet not unblest,
Since in me, round me, every where
Eternal Strength and Wisdom are.
But yester-night I prayed aloud
In anguish and in agony,
Up-starting from the fiendish crowd
Of shapes and thoughts that tortured me :
A lurid light, a trampling throng,
Sense of intolerable wrong,
And whom I scorned, those only strong !
Thirst of revenge, the powerless will
Still baffled, and yet burning still !
Desire with loathing strangely mixed
On wild or hateful objects fixed.
Fantastic passions ! maddening brawl !
And shame and terror over all !
Deeds to be hid which were not hid,
Which all confused I could not know
Whether I suffered, or I did :
For all seemed guilt, remorse or woe,
My own or others still the same
Life-stifling fear, soul-stifling shame.

So two nights passed : the night's dismay
Saddened and stunned the coming day.
Sleep, the wide blessing, seemed to me
Distemper's worst calamity.
The third night, when my own loud scream
Had waked me from the fiendish dream,
O'ercome with sufferings strange and wild,
I wept as I had been a child ;
And having thus by tears subdued
My anguish to a milder mood,
Such punishments, I said, were due
To natures deepliest stained with sin,--
For aye entempesting anew
The unfathomable hell within,
The horror of their deeds to view,
To know and loathe, yet wish and do !
Such griefs with such men well agree,
But wherefore, wherefore fall on me ?
To be beloved is all I need,
And whom I love, I love indeed.

coleridge

The boy and I did a favour yesterday, we got up early, washed and dressed, nibbled and protested and then went down to the Fauntleroy ferry to reserve the picnic tables, or rather deck them out with the reserved signs that the city so kindly offered my girlfriend for the plush fee of $30. To be honest it looked like the day was going to bomb, the clouds were out, it was grey and i saw some sprinkles of raindrops on my windshield as I crossed the West Seattle bridge. When we arrived at the park, the lad insisted on being carried. So I obliged, not wishing to have to wrestle with squatters.

We arrived at about 930am and there was really not a lot going on, a walking race appeared to be underway but otherwise there were few people about. We set up the signs and then sat down to a play at the table, with some beverages and a bag of trailmix. The time dragged on, eventually I resorted to showing him animations from the Beijing olympics off the BBC sports website, on my phone. That amusement lasted a whole 5 minutes and then we had to go blackberry picking. We watched the ferries come and go, observed the seaplanes, barked at the dogs and observed the graduates of the preschool picnic next to our spot. Eventually the gang arrived and I ultimately landed up on BBQ duty, very frustrating on the one hand but ok on the other - the fare was excellent and the sun eventually broke out bathing us all in glorious golden light.

There was a bit of a breeze so we hardly felt the heat, at about 3 the boy and i departed, by 7pm we had faces like lobsters and during the night it felt like I had zits on my face the size of golf balls. Today the sunburn is less raw but is still there - poor little lad, he is uncomplaining and likely completely oblivious.

 

21 Tips from Your Mom & Dad

ONE.
Give people more than they expect and do it cheerfully.

TWO.
Marry a man/woman you love to talk to. As you get older, their
conversational skills will be as important as any other.

THREE.
 Don't believe all you hear, spend all you have or sleep all you want.

FOUR.
When you say, "I love you", mean it.

FIVE.
When you say, "I'm sorry", look the person in the eye.
 
SIX.
Be engaged at least six months before you get married.
 
SEVEN.
Believe in love at first sight.
 
EIGHT.
Never laugh at anyone's dreams. People who
don't have dreams don't have much.
 
NINE.
Love deeply and passionately. You might get hurt
but it's the only way to live life completely.

TEN.
 In disagreements, fight fairly. Please No name calling.
 
ELEVEN.
Don't judge people by their relatives.
 
TWELVE.
Talk slowly but think quickly.
 
THIRTEEN.
When someone asks you a question you don't want
to answer, smile and ask, "Why do you want to know?"
 
FOURTEEN.
Remember that great love and great
achievements involve great risk.
 
FIFTEEN.
Say "bless you" when you hear someone sneeze.
 
SIXTEEN.
When you lose, don't lose the lesson.
 
SEVENTEEN.
Remember the three R's:
Respect for self;
Respect for others;
Responsibility for all your actions.
 
EIGHTEEN.
Don't let a little dispute injure a great friendship.
 
NINETEEN.
When you realize you've made a mistake,
take immediate steps to correct it.
 
TWENTY.
Smile when picking up the phone.
The caller will hear it in your voice.
 
TWENTY-ONE.
Spend some time alone.

This is a sluggish week, I am anticipating a call with Alex later today in which he will declare that his Dr has said he is suspended from work. It will be a blow, he is frustrating but decent enough and he doesn't mess with my shit, that counts for miles! Matthew thinks he is very cool, possibly because he is native american and very traditional in some respects, has guns, lives on a small holding and has had many adventures in his life - he talks well with teenagers and was excited at the prospect of talking to Matthew.

Four boys emerged from the den yesterday after a day of merry making, game playing and candy overload. I don't think that they slept much, Matthew fell asleep on the couch he was so whacked. At one point, they had three TV's running with a gaming console on each, and with each of them playing their own console. Jacob was the odd one out, as he so often is. Matthew tells me he got bumped from the football team for bad grades, I think that, and the fact that he seems gentle, and is not as much of a giant as he used to be, all play into it.

there is plenty of other stuff going on, will have to see how the week pans out.

As a kid at school I always remember there being cool places to sit and not so cool places to sit at break time, in addition, there was always the cool kids to hang out with and the not so cool. Of course this situation prevailed into high school, into boarding school and then into the dining hall at  university. 

One would think that once one had elevated oneself from the puerile student life model, that this phenomenon would have gone away but of course, who you hang out with and where you hang out remains an important measure of you as a person way beyond student life. So we come full circle to cafeteria life in the work place.

At corporate headquarters the mink dine on the 2nd floor mezzanine that overlooks the main dining area, their tables have table cloths, pre laid out silverware and apparently are waited on. Down in the manure pit we suffer fiberglass corporate trays and we line up in front of baskets of freshly washed moist flatware and worn hotel style china plates heavy enough to hold a door open. We line up in front of the short order chefs or at the self service salad bar and check out at cash registers with scales that weigh our food. The first time a saw meals by weight was atop Table Mountain in Cape Town at a fauxly swank restaurant.  When we travel in gangs to the cafeteria we try to sit in gangs, the singletons though have little or no hope of finding a good spot at a good table. Those who cannot stomach the eating habits of their colleagues or who wish to fake extreme business will do a 'to go' meal or will pick a table that really doesnt accomadate more than two people. The phenomenon is fascinating and one I myself have been guilty of.

At MSFT it was never really an issue, I guess primarily because the traffic through the cafeteria was intense, most of us were contractors and even the gardeners dined with the propellor heads, here in sunny Irvine though, everyone is a contractor but there is a pecking order and you are either part of the in crowd or you are not. The lonely and desperate seek out a luncheon mate in order to avoid having to sit alone or impose themselves on an already established table. Today I fell into that category, I sought out John O. couldnt find him and went to lunch alone. I usually do anyway, but today I was in need of some company for some unknown reason and he was not around. In the cafeteria I floundered about, not sure what it was exactly that I wanted to eat, and eventually settled on the Hawaiian chef's salad which was named this simply due to the presence of pineapple and pork products. 

After i had my duly weighed meal in hand, I had the challenge of finding a suitable place to sit. Given the hour of the day, the cafeteria was awash with bodies. I had seen a couple of 'cool' colleagues earlier in the line and wouldnt have minded sitting with them so when i emerged from the cashier chose a large capacious table in plain view of the doorway with noone sitting at it. They emerged, glanced in my direction and bolted off to the far side of the eating area. I ate my lunch  in silence and  solitude, picking the red onion out and setting it aside for the trash. Did they see me? No idea. Do I care? If they saw me - of course I do ! As a dumped my disposables I noticed a woman I had seen yesterday at a very full table, she was actively involved in the previous day's dialog at that table, today she sat alone. Yesterday I too sat at a table alone, which quickly filled with those who were happy to accompany me in lunch. 

What will tomorrow hold?