| Ruth and I had a discussion about this tonight and it became quite clear that she is focusing on courtship, that is just not going to work for me.
Dating it appears, is creating problems; its broken hearts, resulted in illegitimate children, created feelings of guilt or shame, but is it altogether bad? The pious would have us believe that courting is more Christian, more moral, more ethical, that it has, as its mission - the final conclusive union of a couple. I think it is a semantic argument. Pain pushes most people toward manipulation and the pain of frustrated dating leads to faux courtships
Whether you're sixteen and single or seventy and single again, dating is just as likely to lead you to anxiety and disappointment t as courtship. We date because we are lonely, impatient, on the hunt for a life partner, want to have fun and feel good, want to learn to relate to the opposite sex, because we're pressured, to develop social skills and interact with new people, for sex.
Religious pundits say that the solution for man's aloneness is marriage, not dating. Just as marriage became the first one-on-one, male/female relationship, the home became the foundation for a normal society and a committed relationship is the foundation of the home - or so they would have us believe. Can this really be true? Furthermore, when engaged in a meretricious relationship, is that in and of itself a marriage?
Consider that when a couple begins a courting relationship, they supposedly both know the purpose of the relationship is to consider marriage. Conversely, casual dating is a romantic linking of a couple simply to enjoy each other's company for the present,, it is also a 'try before you buy' exploration of whether there is sufficient patience, tolerance and attractiveness to consider something more permanent.
In dating, both parties understand that while marriage may be possible in the future, neither person is seriously considering it at the moment. As a result, immediate pleasure is the whole purpose for dating and this introduces the conundrum of supposed sexual immorality. When dating, one is in window-shopping mode and that has "self" as the base: How will we look "wearing" our prospective partner ... having him/her ... holding him/her ... owning him/her? We try on another person for size and see whether their style suits us - is that altogether bad?
Again, those pursuing courtship naively believe that there will be no broken hearts, no painful baggage, no walking out, or at least not until sums of money have passed through the hands of caterers, dressmakers and conveners and planners and parents have tucked themselves away to bed knowing that they aren't burdened with mousy spinsters, eligible but defective bachelors or daughters and sons of questionable sexual orientation.
I say better to date prolifically rather than enter into a miserable marriage, regret it for decades or accept second best.
Do I sound just a little jaded |
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