It was actually quite funny and disturbing all at once, I can't remember how it happened, just suddenly one day it fell on me, like a heavy wet blanket, i don't dream about it, i just remember it happening, i dream, but i never remember my dreams, my dreams are not useful to me so i simply discard them. It was a surreal experience - something happened, I got half way through saying it and then doubled back and made it into something else, how did that happen? It was weird, I keep reminding myself that it can't last, it shouldn't last, it won't,

is it denial or is it reality - who really knows, who will be testator. We are at different times, different places, suggestions are made and then l;eft incomplete, commentaries are misinterpreted...  Strikes me as strange that when a new leaf turns over it doesn't just flip once it does so multiple times, as if in gust of wind. The day doesn't matter, nor the exact circumstances, I guess it was his reaction, the smile on his face and the welcoming expression, at that point I knew.

It is all decompressed, there is some tautness, but it is largely imperceptible, it is the outcome of a journey of discovery that is just beginning.
Sometimes I sit alone and think, it is good, other times I think it can't last, it shouldn't, it won't

I called him today, my call was rejected, he texted me, I responded, I asked how things were, he said he was still out of work and that circumstances had taken a turn for the worse, I texted him back, he went non responsive., I hope it can't last, it shouldn't, it won't
We're like peas in a pod, we sometimes land up calling one another just when the other is thinking about them, it is weird, some sort of cosmic confluence I guess

I wrote to him today and received a long response back, it was a good response, filled with an array of snippets of information. I forget why I actually reconnected, I lied when I suggested why, maybe i was telling the truth, it doesn't matter; we have reconnected and that is all that matters.

Well the Christmas Week started off pretty badly, first day on the job for the final tour of duty at SicroMoft and there's a problem with the host server, just as well probably as I was given an emergency call by autumnthingto rescue the wendy-bus from outside Costco in Woodinville. In the hours that had ensued since she failed the battery had evidently revived itself.  I had had the forethought to take the Focus to work as my contour is playing, some scarey wobbley wheel problem that causes the steering wheel to wobble from side to side unless one is hurtling down the road at speed. I suspect a CV joint or Shock Absorber has finally given up and much to my chagrin and dismay I shall have to spend some money on the car.  So Monday, whilst I was supposed to be working I was cruising the streets of Snohomish and Woodinville in vehicle and person recovery mode. Thanks be to the AAA vehicle recovery service. Wendy's alternator seems to be on the fritz. When I awoke this morning my phone was filled with SMS greetings, which was nice, it is a good job that I put it on semi silent mode overnight!

Right now I am listening to the Classic FM All time Christmas Greats  watching candles flickering and the tree resplendent in all her decorations, tinsel and lights and Matthew is messing with his new MP3 player I got him for Xmas, which seems to be delighting him.

We are waiting for Jasper before we open all the rest of the presents. Nothing quite like a little chap ripping open the paper!