It was actually quite funny and disturbing all at once, I can't remember how it happened, just suddenly one day it fell on me, like a heavy wet blanket, i don't dream about it, i just remember it happening, i dream, but i never remember my dreams, my dreams are not useful to me so i simply discard them. It was a surreal experience - something happened, I got half way through saying it and then doubled back and made it into something else, how did that happen? It was weird, I keep reminding myself that it can't last, it shouldn't last, it won't,

is it denial or is it reality - who really knows, who will be testator. We are at different times, different places, suggestions are made and then l;eft incomplete, commentaries are misinterpreted...  Strikes me as strange that when a new leaf turns over it doesn't just flip once it does so multiple times, as if in gust of wind. The day doesn't matter, nor the exact circumstances, I guess it was his reaction, the smile on his face and the welcoming expression, at that point I knew.

It is all decompressed, there is some tautness, but it is largely imperceptible, it is the outcome of a journey of discovery that is just beginning.
Sometimes I sit alone and think, it is good, other times I think it can't last, it shouldn't, it won't

I called him today, my call was rejected, he texted me, I responded, I asked how things were, he said he was still out of work and that circumstances had taken a turn for the worse, I texted him back, he went non responsive., I hope it can't last, it shouldn't, it won't
We're like peas in a pod, we sometimes land up calling one another just when the other is thinking about them, it is weird, some sort of cosmic confluence I guess

I wrote to him today and received a long response back, it was a good response, filled with an array of snippets of information. I forget why I actually reconnected, I lied when I suggested why, maybe i was telling the truth, it doesn't matter; we have reconnected and that is all that matters.